*** Note: People tend to get confused when I call my grandmother “Mom”. My mother has not passed away. My siblings and I have always called my grandmother “Mom” because we were the first grandchildren on my mother’s side and no one called her “grandma” in front of us.
This year has brought a lot of change to my life. All the change has been wonderful, and I am incredibly grateful to the life I was given, and for the decisions I have made. However, with all this change, comes thought. Lately I have been doing a lot of reflecting, and have been thinking about my grandparents a lot. They have always been there for me, but are both deceased now. I wanted to take the time to write down all my thoughts in a letter form. The following is that letter. ***
Dear Mom and Papa,
It has been a little over a year now that Papa left me and went to Heaven. Although I am happy that you two are finally back together, I wanted to take this time to reflect on my thoughts.
You were always there for me. To some, this may be an obvious statement to make about a grandparent or family member. However, I grew up with a grandmother who really couldn’t care less about me, and aunts and uncles who followed suite when “necessary”. So for me, you two were extra special to me. I realized that family doesn’t always show unconditional love. So I appreciated everything that came from you, because with you, there was only unconditional love.
Thank you for all the sleepovers, lunch dates, shopping trips, and holidays. Thank you for attending every sporting event, dance recital, birthday party, and other major moments in my life. Thank you for all the life lessons you provided, whether they be on purpose, or unintentional. Thank you for being people of love, strength, and wisdom. Thank you for all the story, conversations, hugs and kisses.
And thank you for showing me how to grow from pain. Because the hardest thing that I have ever been through was losing the two of you.
If you know me, then you may know that I cry at silly things. Commercials about dogs or babies, songs that represent growth, and movies that depict drama or romance. However, I do not cry at the big moments in life. Graduations, car crashes, broken relationships…or even death.
Since I was a little girl, my family would comment on that. They very rarely saw me cry at these important moments of growth. I would wait until I was in private, and cry alone. In my mind, I believed that I was letting everyone else cope with their sadness. No one had to worry about me, they could cry their tears and know that I was strong enough to withhold it all.
Until you both passed away. I cried in private and in public. The crying seemed to not stop. You two were some of the most important people in my life. I think of you during every big life-changing, I hope that you are proudly looking down on me. In my heart I know- if you made it to every important event while you were living, you must be looking down at every important event while you’re in Heaven. It’s just how you are. Because I honestly believe unconditional love doesn’t stop at death. I think that it lives forever. So thank you for giving it to me, because I loved you unconditionally too. And I always will.
Thank you for building an incredible family. I am so, so lucky to be apart of it.
Love and miss you,